Toilet Talk

by Clara Butler

When you have to go, you have to go.

Drink too much coffee during the day? Only have five minutes between classes? Or just want to know where the best smelling hand soap is? Look no further because this article will tell you where to go when you need to go.

First Floor Milbank Bathrooms
Hidden near the registrar’s office (take a left by the doors to the Office of Admissions and follow the signs down the hallway), this bathroom is extra nice probably due to its proximity to so many faculty offices. But not only is this bathroom usually empty, it has the best hand soap! The lighting is a little too dim for my taste, but it does add to the overall ambience. And really, who could refuse anything that smells like fresh lavender?
Rating: 10/10

LL2 Diana Bathrooms
I feel like little to no events are held in the LL2 of the Diana, which makes the bathroom down there extra secretive. If you’re a little too optimistic like I am, beware that it is a lot of stairs, especially on the way back up. But on the bright side, this bathroom is almost always empty and if you need to stick around and do some homework, there are a bunch of comfy chairs and couches right outside!
Rating: 9/10

Second Floor Diana Bathrooms
Located conveniently by the dining hall, the bathrooms at the end of this hall are always clean and not too busy. I highly recommend the handicap stall because you can spy on people walking by the Diana below but beware since this lock has been known to fail. Overall, this is a solid bathroom… especially after too much tea from Liz’s Place.
Rating: 7/10

Milbank Third Floor Bathrooms
I have half my classes on this floor this year so I know this bathroom really well. The layout is extremely strange though, it looks like they tried to fit too many toilets into a broom closet. The cramped stalls make it feel as though you are practically sitting on top of someone while you do your business. Also, the hand soap dispensers are unreliable and if there are more than two people trying to wash their hands, major traffic jams occur.
Rating: 3/10

Hewitt/Tunnels Bathrooms
My body likes to tell me that we need to go to the bathroom every time I arrive at a dining hall. Fortunately, there is a bathroom at the end of the hallway where Hewitt is located. Although it would be much more convenient to have it inside the dining hall, it is still pretty close. Not only is it sometimes locked; the terrible fluorescent lighting and overall atmosphere make me super depressed. Sometimes I end up just going to the gender inclusive bathroom on the first floor of Barnard Hall because this bathroom is extremely depressing. It was also out of paper towels for what felt like weeks so I had to rock the I-obviously-just-wiped-my-hands-on-my-pants look.
Rating: 2/10

If I missed your favorite bathroom or you would like to rant about your least favorite bathroom on campus, please share in the comments below!

Clara Butler is a sophomore at Barnard and a staff writer for The Nine Ways Of Knowing.

Images of Infmetry.

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