Not everyone chooses to have sex in college. If you do choose to go the mile with someone however, having sex while living in the dorms presents a whole unique set of challenges. Here are the top 5 and how to deal.
1. You both live in doubles
Unless one of your roommates is frequently away you will have to get used to one of two options. One, sexile a roomie. Yes, this will probably be awkward because it entails saying pretty much straight out “Hi, so and so and I are going to have sex, so go somewhere else.” The sexiled is then stuck in the awkward position of not knowing when to come back, the sexilee in the position of not wanting to keep their roommate stuck outside too long. If you take this route, you and your roommate will have to develop a some sexiling ground rules. Your second option is to find alternative locations. Yes these alternatives exist and yes it might be against some university rules. It might be uncomfortable, and there is much higher risk of getting busted. Though on the plus side it makes for a heck of a story.
2. The walls in your building are thin
Be as quiet as humanely possible. Less fun for you and your partner? Possibly. But your neighbors/suitemates hearing every moan is significantly more awkward. Bite your lip, bury your face in a pillow, or turn on some music to try to drown you out. No one else needs to hear you.
3. The floors/ceilings are thin
This likely goes along with number 2. Most of you have probably heard the telltale banging rhythm of a neighbor’s bed against the wall. With the solid wood school issue beds your best bet is to move your bed away from the wall. If you don’t, you may end up with a sticky note on your door from your downstairs neighbor telling you they think they live below giant bunny rabbits.
4. You have a bunk bed.
If you are on the lower bunk you will be constantly hitting your head. If you’re on top (or your bed is lofted) you will be consistently worried about falling off. Lower bunkers, anything other than lying flat/sideways probably won’t work. Top bunks, get used to moving sideways as little as possible, and that getting into the bed won’t be the smoothest (after all, who looks hot climbing up a bunk bed ladder?).
5. You have a twin-sized bed.
Unless you live in a dorm I haven’t heard of, your bed at Barnard is the standard issue twin extra long. I hope you and your partner like to cuddle because you aren’t both going to fit into that bed any other way. These beds were not meant to hold more than one sleeping person.