Dear Diana: Platonic Skeptic

Dear Diana,

I am not sure I believe in platonic relationships and thus do not think I should maintain my friendships with girls. What is the point if someone is always going to get hurt? Is there such a thing as platonic relationships? 

Platonic Skeptic

Dear Platonic Skeptic,

While I do believe it is hard for males and females to maintain completely platonic relationships, I do believe it is possible. However, there needs to be an emotional distance in order for the relationship to remain platonic. You should not be sharing all of your secrets or spend every waking moment with each other. These actions can certainly be mistaken as a sign of a brewing romance and feelings will naturally develop. Even if only one person has fleeting romantic thoughts about the other friend, keeping the relationship platonic can become difficult.

Even if such fleeting thoughts do occur, however, it does not necessarily mean that someone will get hurt. Many times someone will wonder what it would be like to kiss or even be in a relationship with his or her friend, but then realize they do not actually want that. While such thoughts make the relationship non-platonic for that moment, it can still revert back to a platonic relationship afterwards.

All in all, I strongly believe that heterosexual friendships are important and you can learn a lot from someone of the opposite sex. Thus, I would advise you not to swear off such friendships for fear that someone will always get hurt. By completely refraining from heterosexual friendships, I believe you will be doing a lot more harm than if you were to be in a platonic relationship that turns romantic. And who knows? Perhaps your platonic relationship that turns romantic could be the person you are meant to be with. Don’t allow fear of heartache keep you from experiencing the great pleasures of life. Live a little and enjoy life to its fullest.

However, when it comes down to it, this is just my opinion and I think this is an important topic that can lead to a fruitful discussion. Thus, I would like to ask readers to comment on this post to say what their opinion is on the matter. Readers: go crazy and comment away. Help Platonic Skeptic decide what she should do and whether or not true platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex exist. Good Luck Platonic Skeptic!


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14 thoughts on “Dear Diana: Platonic Skeptic

  1. girls dont understand guys and vice versa. It is a waste of your time to have friends of the other gender. When you meet the right girl you will know it and it will be a much more special relationship if you havent touched a million girls before her.

  2. mr anonymous is a very smart man.

    what is there to gain from this “friendship,” if that is even what it it. What does friendship mean?
    what is there to gain from the opposite sex?
    where will i be lacking in my life if i dont have a “friend” of the opposite sex?
    please dont tell me that i am missing out on pleasure, because this is not true, as mr anonymous put very nicely.

    please advise me dian…

  3. Heterosexual, platonic relationships can definitely be rewarding, although they can be hard to establish. For example, I became really good friends with a guy while we were both in happy relationships. We're both single now, but we've been able to maintain our friendship. He's actually one of the first people I go to for advice when I need to try to get into a guy's head, and I really appreciate him for that. I'm not attracted to him and I believe it's the same for him.

  4. In response to the second comment: I think that heterosexual relationships can be rewarding since boys and girls are very different and have different perspectives on things. By being friends with someone of the opposite sex, you can learn to see things from another perspective, which can be extremely beneficial for you as a whole. Additionally, one can get very sick hanging out with girls all of the time or vise versa. Thus, it is nice to have some flavor and variety in life by being friends with the opposite sex. For example, I can get sick of my girl friends since they tend to be a bit moody and drama seems to follow them. My guy friends, however, are generally more level – headed and thus serve as a nice reprieve. My guy friends provide me with an alternative perspective on many matters.

  5. First off I want to say that I know the answer to WWMGS! Second, if you are not in any way attracted to someone of the opposite sex then why are you having a relationship with them at all? Most people find something, in anyone of the opposite sex to be attractive- and if you found someone that you find repulsive, congrats! You found someone you can have a platonic relationship with. But the question is: Why would you want to?

  6. First of all, this whole debate is on the foundation assumption of heterosexuality, which leaves out other sexual orientations. If you don't believe in friendships with the opposite sex because you think platonic relationships between the genders are impossible, would you tell a homosexual person that they can only have friends of the opposite sex? What about a bisexual person? They can't have any friends because all these friendships will become sexual and therefore hurtful? Obviously that would be ridiculous.
    There are even theories that ALL friendships are sexual at some level. If you think about it, this kind of makes sense. We are attracted to our friends because they have similar interests, their personalities click well with ours, etc. So whatever gender and sexuality the friendship includes, there is attraction.
    Also, there are many ways to get hurt in a friendship besides sexually/romantically.

    Be friends with both genders. There are many good reasons stated above for friendships with the opposite gender, and as for the reasons not to… I think I made my opinion of those pretty clear.


  7. While no one would ever tell a homosexual that they could only be friends with the opposite sex, I think it is difficult at times for a homosexual/bisexual person to have platonic relationships with other homosexuals of their own sex. The same problem could still arise, the same way that it could between two heterosexuals of opposite sexes. Sexual compatibility can make platonic relationships difficult.

    I think it can also be difficult for homosexuals to have platonic relationships with even heterosexuals of their same sex- it's all the same story. You can't help it if you develop feelings for someone and they're not interested the same way you can't help it if someone develop feelings for you and you're not interested.

  8. While it may have taken me a very long time to actually get around to reading this lovely post by you, AMEN SISTA!!!! I think I have finally rubbed off on you. Three cheers for platonic relationships…Hip Hip HURRAY! Hip Hip HURRAY! Hip Hip Huray!
    – Hehe uur faithful Buffalo 🙂

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