Dear Diana: Bashful Boy

Dear Diana,

I live down the hall from this cute girl who is also in my Spanish class. We talk every day and even hang out a lot. We are very flirty with each other but sometimes I feel like she only sees me as a friend. With Valentines Day coming up, I want to “cheesily” ask her to be mine but I am afraid she will say no and we will lose what we have together. Help me Diana!

Bashful Boy Down the Hall

Dear Bashful Boy Down the Hall,

I would love to tell you to let loose and express your feelings for this girl and everything will end up happily ever after. However, I am going to be frank with you and tell you that you very well may be rejected. Even if you guys flirt with each other on a constant basis, she may still only see you as a friend. Some girls are just bubbly and flirty in general and do not mean anything more by it. Have you seen her interact with other guys? If she is flirty with other guys as well, then she probably doesn’t feel any different about you than all males.

You say that you want to ask her out but fear rejection. If you really value your friendship and don’t want to change anything, then I would advise you not to tell her anything and to try to get over your feelings for her.  Just remember, the best way to get over someone is to get with someone else.  

However, if you are always going to be thinking about this girl in a “more than friend” way, is that a true friendship? If you can’t be normal with her because you like her so much, then you’re not going to enjoy your time with her. As soon as you started to like her, you ruined the friendship aspect of your relationship. Thus, you may as well tell her so you do not regret it in the future.

The decision is up to you not me because when it comes down to it I won’t be there when and if you decide to express your feelings. You need to study this girl to see if her feelings are mutual and you need to consider your friendship and see if there is anything there besides your attraction to her. Only then can you make the best decision. Good luck, Bashful Boy!


Elianna Mintz is a sophomore at Barnard College.


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